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Trey Kerby of The Blowtorch searches high and low across the Internet for NBA-related goods you never knew you needed. You know, phenomenal swag. Email Ball Don't Lie any relevant products you find here. Starting tomorrow, there are going to be some very special guests at Chateau Kerby. As such, I've been doing intense renovations to our second bedroom, which up until this point has served as a combination editing suite and shoe closet. During these renovations, I've found at least three packages of Pez from who knows when. Yes, I ate them. They were delicious. So in honor of my living through this experiment, I'm buying this Lamar Odom "The Candyman" t-shirt. Available at L.A. Purple and Gold, a website specializing in excellent Lakers t-shirts, the shirt is a nice take on the Odom Loves Candy meme. It also does a great job of adding creepy feet to an inanimate object, which is always a plus in my book. And while the juxtaposition of "Candyman" and Los Angeles might bring back some terrible memories, this shirt is sweet. Like Pez. (Confectioners' zing!) Ball Don't Lie's Swag Rating: Four Muggsy Bogues ... via The No-Look Pass

Ron Artest(notes) will take the blame if the Los Angeles Lakers don't repeat as champs next year. That was the big hook, line and tweet quote from Monday's AP story. "They won last year, and I'm the new addition," Artest said. "The fans expect to repeat. Everybody in L.A. expects a second ring. If we don't then yeah, they should point it right at me, throwing tomatoes and everything." And while that's all good and gentlemanly — especially for Lamar and Khloe Odom — there was a second, more hilarious part from the AP that not too many people picked up on — Artest's astonishing grasp of California geography. Michael Hurley of NESN explains:

The Lakers' newest forward appeared Monday at an event in San Diego to promote an exhibition game between the Lakers and Nuggets at the San Diego Sports Arena, and while he showed enthusiasm for his new team, he also showed that he may need to spend some time studying maps of his new state. 'I didn't realize how far L.A.'s tentacles, or whatever you want to call them, extend, all the way to San Diego," he told The Associated Press. 'I thought I was going to be getting some Golden State Warrior fans, because I didn't know where I was at. Most of the fans are Lakers fans, so that's great.' It should be noted that San Diego lies approximately 120 miles south of L.A., while the Golden State Warriors play their games in Oakland — roughly 360 miles north of Los Angeles.

It should also be noted that Artest played three years in Sacramento! Man, this guy kills me.

Thank You, Kurt Rambis. Thank you for this incredible pic of Julius Erving and Larry Bird just chillin' with their mustaches in front of a graffiti'd brick wall. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Best caption/imaginary conversation wins Dr. J's signed tank top. Good luck. After the jump, Michael Jordan, signin' in his dorm room. Winner, Noam S: "Just a spoonful of Jordan makes the '91 Lakers, '92 Blazers, '93 suns, '96 Sonics, '97-98 Jazz, and the Bobcats franchise, go down ..." Co-runner-up, Brad K: Taken immediately after a post-practice shower, this picture provides the first piece of evidence that the great Michael Jordan was, in fact, a "Never Nude." Co-runner-up, HC: The umbrella (derisively called "Raindrops" throughout college by Michael) was later berated during Michael's HOF speech. Said Michael: "Raindrops thought that it could cover me. That Umbrella couldn't cover me. It still can't cover me!"

Trey Kerby of The Blowtorch searches high and low across the Internet for NBA-related goods you never knew you needed. You know, phenomenal swag. Email Ball Don't Lie any relevant products you find here. Sometimes I see something on the Internet that I know needs to be widely disseminated. That's what being a tastemaker is all about, after all. (I am not a tastemaker.) But sometimes, I see these things and I don't know how to convey just how amazing a certain something is. Take this David Robinson t-shirt for example. Yeah, I could tell you that the quote ("You can dribble too much, you can shoot too much, you can even pass too much, but you can't rebound too much.") is hilarious because it means you're wearing a shirt about rebounding. I could mention that the print on this thing looks like someone designed a '90s effects pack for Photoshop, then used every single one of those at once. I could even have a go at the tag that says this shirt is going to have irregularities because your shirt is "one of a kind." All that's well and good, but I think the best part of this shirt, which is clearly the best shirt in the world, is that it's designed by Magic Johnson and is selling for $99.99. Because what's been missing from all of our lives is the chance to dress like Magic Johnson for too much money. Ball Don't Lie's Swag Rating: Four Muggsy Bogues ... via Carles, the Internet's biggest Spurs fan

Like President Barack Obama, pomegranates and math, Cavaliers star LeBron James(notes) is absolutely everywhere right now, promoting his new documentary "More Than A Game," as well as his new book "Shooting Stars," co-written by Buzz Bissinger. This morning, the PR blitz hit "The View" on which Barbara Walters asked LeBron why he didn't shake the Orlando Magic's hands after osing to them in the '09 playoffs — especially since he had just come out and shook hands with all the ladies. LeBron's response: "For one, the Orlando Magic is not as beautiful as you women are." Zing!? Just in case you need a little more LeBron in your life, the All-Star forward is set to visit "The Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday and "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on Friday. Oh, that, and he's currently rummaging through your refrigerator looking for some lemonade.

Over the weekend, Derrick Rose(notes), Deron Williams(notes) and a mullet'd up Rainn Wilson shot some new TNT commercials, and well, by the look of these behind-the-scenes pics, they're going to be hysterical. Best caption/imaginary conversation wins a haircut. Good luck, Michael. After the jump, Artest lifts weights and spirits. Winner, Peter O: "Yo, Lamar, I'll see your Khloe and raise you three more Kardashian look-a-likes." Co-runner-up, btang0223: "Someone bring me my Magic Mic! I'm ready to get this video started!" Co-runner-up, alka: Ron Artest(notes) shoots the video for his hip-hop/mariachi remix of the Randy Newman classic, "Yo Encanta Elay."

A little after noon (CDT, natch), Mark Cuban and co. are holding a press conference at the American Airlines Center to introduce the newest Dallas Mavericks players (Shawn Marion(notes), Drew Gooden(notes), rookie Rodrigue Beaubois(notes), etc.) and to unveil their new alternate jerseys. But really, who has time to wait anymore? And why should we when DallasBasketball.com and OS '09 both think they know what the new Mavs threads look like ... Fashionistas, which possible alternate do you prefer — the royal blue or "Pistol Pete" Hawks-era-like look? UPDATE: DB.com wins the cookie! Here's a photo of Jason Terry(notes) sporting the new alt jersey: Dallas will debut the alternate uniforms on Oct. 30 in Los Angeles.

A look around the league and the web that covers it. It's also important to note that the rotation order and starting nods aren't always listed in order of importance. That's for you, dear reader, to figure out.

C: Deep Purple. Steve Nash(notes) on "Saturday Night Live" — make it happen, Lorne Michaels!
PF: Moderately Cerebral Bias. Does S-Jax's $25K fine have to do with the NBA's economic desperation?
SF: NAS. Taking a page from Jon Stewart's book, Jersey and Brooklyn try to lure LeBron with food, too.
SG: Nick Friedell's Blog. Tracy McGrady(notes) looks good and sounds confident.
PG: Cowbell Kingdom. Zach Harper defends the Desmond Mason(notes) signing.
6th: Indy Cornrows. Luther Head(notes) is a low-risk option for the Pacers, no doubt.
7th: FreeDarko. Must listen to track: Hot Butterfly featuring Michael Jordan.
8th: Basketbawful. A look at some of the worst assists-per-game teams in NBA history.
9th: The Baseline. Shoals: The Celtics would be wise to sign Rondo soon.
10th: CelticsBlog. Even among the most measured of fans, patience is wearing thin with Tony Allen(notes).

Got a tip/link/recipe for Ball Don't Lie? Hit me up at jeskeets [at] yahoo.ca or follow me on Twitter.

This is not how you want to start a weekend ... Cavaliers guard Delonte West(notes) was arrested Thursday night for weapons possession. Brian Windhorst of the Plain Dealer reports:

WUSA, a television station in Washington D.C., reported today that West was pulled over in Prince George's County, MD., at 10 p.m. Thursday night for making an unsafe lane change on his motorcycle. The police say West had two handguns and a shotgun in his possession and he was arrested. West was released on his own recognizance and is scheduled to appear in court on Nov. 20.

Yes, you read that correctly. Delonte was somehow concealing two handguns and a shotgun while riding a freakin' motorcycle. You can't even do that in "Grand Theft Auto," can you? This does not sound good. More info to come. UPDATE: According to Matt Zapotosky at The Washington Post, Delonte was driving a three-wheeled motorcycle (like the one pictured right, I guess) when he cut off the Prince George's County cop.

The officer pulled him over, and West told the officer that that he was carrying a handgun in his waistband. That prompted the officer to call for back up, and investigators found that West was actually carrying three guns — a Beretta 9mm in his waistband, a Ruger .357 strapped to his leg and a shotgun in a guitar case slung over his back, said Maj. Andy Ellis, a spokesman for the Prince George's County Police Department.

As of now, it is still unclear where West was going or why in the world he was armed.

If the tabloids are to be believed — and in my world, they always are — Lamar Odom(notes) moves a hell of a lot quicker with his women than he does contract extensions.

That's right. Even though they've been dating, what, all of 13 days, insiders tell Ken Baker of E! News that the Lakers forward and reality TV "star" Khloe Kardashian are already "talking about rings" with plans to wed.

That sound you just heard? Oh, just a large fraction of the Lakers' fan base crying themselves to sleep.

I'm sorry, stacked team or not, there is no way the Lakers repeat as champions next year if a Kardashian is involved. Look what happened to Reggie Bush after he started dating Khloe's hotter sister Kim. Nothing. I'm telling you, a "Kardashian Kurse" is alive and well, my friends. Bruce Jenner knows what I'm talking about!

Anyway, back to the gossip at hand: Both Lamar and Khloe haven't publicly addressed the rumor yet, so maybe it's just that. Their representatives also declined to comment on the matter. Tricky buggers.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I have to side with MediaTakeOut.com's take on the report — the whole thing reeks of a publicity stunt.

According to MTO's, um, "sources," Lamar is trying to promote his new clothing line — Rockin' Rich Soil Clothing — while socialite Khloe is trying to save the ratings of her two E! reality shows — "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami." They're a match made in business heaven.

Then again, before "dating" Lamar, Khloe was romantically linked to ex-Wolves guard Rashad McCants(notes), so maybe she's just trying to lock up a NBA'er before the league's lowered salary cap hits. Sound move.

Cheers, Sports By Brooks. I think.